I typed this during today's church service

I have been trying to justify coming to church to myself for almost two weeks now. The church as an institution, has been at odds with the person I have become over the years. The identiy that I am comfortable with is a total opposite of what the church wants me to be. 

But today and for the past two weeks, I have been attending church services at the church where I grew up. From Sunday School, through to confirmation class. Also a place where I made friendships that still remain on solid foundation. A whole community that nurtured the leader that I am today congregates here. My love for music, especially classical music was born here. Everything that I am to my community, I learned here. 

I am typing this while in church, during the sermon. That's because the big part of my service is over. The singing. The music. 

I don't know why I have been trying to justify coming to church to myself. Is it because I have made friends with academics and professionals who have strong views against the church? Is it because I have failed for so long to defend what I believe in? Maybe it's my failure to mimic my own mother, who is also a Sangoma. She managed to be with our community, the church and remained committed to passing down traditions of our ancestors.

I feel like I belong here. It feels right to be here now. 

I have always maintained that being Lutheran and a Sangoma could never go together. Maybe it's time I reconciled the two without compromising myself. 

Terrorism and a Clash of civilizations

I was one of the people who voiced disappointment when the mass media completely ignored a story of a ten-year-old girl who blew up a Nigerian market in a suicide bomb attack. It was almost like this incident was destructing the media's agenda of squeezing the juice out of the French terror attacks story.

But more people had already died in Nigeria at the hands of Boko Haram. And the reaction of that country's government has not been inspiring. It only embraces the widely known fact that black life is indeed cheap. How can we blame anyone for not protecting our own people? 

In my little experience, journalism has evolved. So much that when a certain media agenda setting is in full swing, nothing can shift it. Journalism is a business too. It is no longer a case of giving people something to think about, but we tell people what tot think, grab their attention and keep them consuming "our product". So, death of scores of Africans is not new to headlines. It has always been part of the headlines. Perhaps a decisive government or a President that reacts like French President Francois Hollande is a story we would rather tell. That's why I thought perhaps our reaction to tragedy highlights a clash of civilations. We react differently and the media will most probaly choose the reaction that will keep the story alive. When a man attacked a restaurant in Syndey, Australia, there were murmurings of why we went big on a story on such small scale. Small scale because "only two people died". For some countries, one life is one too many and they jealously guard their sovereignty. 

We can use the race card till the cows come home. We possess the power to change the way the world sees us. 

Africa needs young vibrant leaders to salvage our dignity. 

Our Black and White reality

This morning I drove from Soshanguve to Hyde Park, Johannesburg. That's where I work. On my way out of Sosha, I experienced the usual buzz; taxis rushing to town and back to ferry more people. My people have money. They've been paid their bonuses. Some kid will eat in a restaurant for the first time today. The queues at bottle stores are reminiscent of the 1994 elections. Maybe I am taking it too far, but the bottom line is people will be spending lots of money on alcohol. The cooler boxes will be filled, we will drink and be merry. 


When I got on to the Ben Schoeman highway, I saw a different kind of approach to December holidays. Luxury cars from Pretoria East suburbs getting on to the freeway. Most of them towing their caravans, mountain bikes and trailers filled with holiday luggage. 


You already know where I am going don't you? At the risk of sounding like ANC officials who only offer excuses, I will say it. It is the legacy of apartheid that keeps us in the generational crisis of Black people abusing alcohol and mistaking it for Christmas celebration. Living in the Bantustans that we call townships - the only way to embrace the holiday season is to buy booze, blast the hi-fi you bought with your meager bonus and wake up with the same old problems year-in year-out. 


A few of us have chosen to break the cycle. But then we don't always survive because we become victims of crime because the rest of our people are not empowered enough to escape the generational crisis. That's why we leave the township. That's also why townships are stereotyped as dangerous and "not safe for us" to go. 


The oppressor knew what he was doing when he crammed us all in one space, away from the life that could have saved more people. But we are stuck together, hopeless, stressed, killing each other. We maintain the reputation of being the inferior race, and therefore Black life remains cheap.

I took time before I condemned President Jacob Zuma when he blamed Eskom's woes on apartheid. He is probably right. But he is a discredited man. It's not easy to take what he says and believe it. At least for many South Africans who have been let down by his leadership, or lack thereof.


I hope one day Sosha and Pretoria East traffic will converge on Ben Schoeman highway - to take a well deserved break from the hustle and bustle of the year gone by. The struggle continues.

I am the opposite of who I am

This week I celebrated a few milestones. It's been a year since I became News Editor at SA's most credible news organisation. The new car now a year old and still making me smile. My mom's almost 70th birthday. She is my shield and strength. Not to mention the love I share with my friend amd partner Lesley. 

Maintaining relatiosnhips and being great at what you do requires all of you 100 percent of the time. My job feels like an exam everyday. Imagine a final exam every single day. And of course there are times when I don't ace the exam. But getting it right when I do, is a great feeling. But the mistake I made, and still make today is "internalising" everything through all the trials and triumphs. While it thickens the skin, it poisons you inside. No longer at ease and you develop dis-ease. I developed high blood pressure. It sits right next to the accomplishments of my life. I rebelled against it and ignored it. Till today when I realised that the poison is now having a ripple effect on other parts of my life. 

My mother would likely lose her son. I would never live long enough to see the foundation of the family I started strengthen and flourish. I would lose all the important things. I would die rot in my grave when I could have saved myself. This is all because I want to pass a final exam every single day. It's because I do not have a strong filter to help me care only about what matters and benefits me. 

I am ashamed as an Aids activist who preach about a healthy lifestyle and motivating people to yearn for life. I have abandoned myself. I pray that it's not too late to turn the tide and live. 

I am the opposite of who I am. A healer who is not healed. I have had so many people who entrusted their lives to me. Nursed most of them back to health. But I am letting myself get consumed by a poison that I invited into my own body.   

The After Mandela Politics

There are so many sad realities to the chaos in Parliament. We have a party leader, Julius Malema who also had to "pay back the money" asking President Jacob Zuma when he will pay his dues. Classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. 

And then you see footage of ANC MPs pushing and shoving their into Parliament in a bid to remove EFF MPs. A reflection of hooliganism. Direct ammunition for people who never had faith in a Black government. I don't really care about them, but it is clear that stereotypes about Black are deepened and we will remain invisible because we indirectly sponsor white supremacy. 

These are what I call, "The after Mandela politics". Mandela was the one thing that people who benefitted from apartheid used calm their coscience. The EFF is making people uncomfortable. Myself included. But I kinda like my discomfort, because I have always known Parliament as a place for people who were suites, speak properly and accept authority. 

Like I said in my many other posts, the wrong people are saying all the rgiht things. But also, the ANC must realise that Mr Zuma is a compromised man. Their continued loyalty to this man will translate into less votes in 2016. South Africans don't like change, but they seem to be enjoying EFF's approach to politics. They will give them more power. Especially at municipal level. We have gone through the hill towards the much anticipated 2014 elections. But not much has changed. Corruption, lack of service delivery still make headlines. Unemployment numbers are scary. The lives of our people contninue to degenerate. Government is not inspiring us. The EFF is inspiring broken people who will just destroy the small achievements of the current government. It's not a pretty picture. 

Eugene, The Cock Up!

It was just not in the best interest of 'nation building' to release Eugene de Kock. The media frenzy about whether he should be released or not is a destruction to what we should be focusing on as a country. This man delayed progress enough and in my opinion there is no time or space for compassion towards a past that ruined us. In street language, I would say a past that f*cked us up completely.

The symbolic Truth and Reconciliation Commission sidelined many people including my own father. So, it is difficult to be objective in this story, as a journalist, a son and citizen that loves this country. We failed to put the matters to rest a long time ago. While people are busking in cold poverty, others continue to enjoy life. From apartheid days, right into what is called freedom, people continue live The Life. Despite their hands being stained with blood of many who yearned for a just South Africa. 

The real cock up is when the new dispensation failed to make the oppressor meet the oppressed halfway. Instead the oppressed, in the form of Nelson Mandela, walked all the way to the oppressed to say "We forgive you" before anyone could hear what exactly what are we forgiving. And then the TRC ended, a massive backlog and politicians with ambitions that did not include aspirations of the majority of this country. So, the day must pause and focus on whether Eugene de Kock must be released or not? 

The new government is unable to show decisive leadership because the loose ends were not tied up before trying to implement the new Constitution. If we as a country, had dealt with the past with some conviction, people like Schabir Shaick would not be subject that we have to explain and defend why they happened. If Batho Pele was in our DNA we would not be talking about Mbulelo Goniwe, Tony Yengenin, Nkandla or the arms deal today. We would have set an example with those who committed crimes against humanity before and after 1994. We have a serious backlog. That's where the Cock Up comes from. We would not have the Eugene de Kock discussion right now. 

Instead today we have a government that undermines the Public Protector and we have the opposition  that just finds fault and misses out on inspiring our people. The DA is so passionate about the SABC COO Hlaudi Motsoeneng, but they don't even watch the SABC. I asked on DA politician what his favourite show was on the public broadcaster's channel. Took her 12 minutes to answer. Anyway, the issue here is Eugene de Kock, who the opposition parties are mum and saying nothing about how wounded we are as a nation. They sit and wait for the ANC government to make mistake so they can make noise and annoy me. People remain uninspired, poor and sad. 

So, Eugene de Kock can't be getting attention he is getting now. We have a serious backlog to deal with. 

Not that you care, but this is my take on Juju!

Hahahaha! That was my reaction throughout his maiden speech in Parliament yesterday. I have always labelled him the wrong guy with the right things to say. To me, he is the guy that took advantage of ANC's ways of taking advantage of the poor. After the ruling party spat him out of his comfort and easy money, he thought of the vulnerable and poor who need to vent and blame someone for their desperate situation. 

But if Julius Malema continues this way, South Africans will be forced to have honest conversations about where we are as a country. The dinner table (for those with enough to dine) conversations are certainly going to change. He made interesting remarks about how Black people continue to go beyond meeting white people halfway. But I am puzzled by how he vindicates Nelson Mandela and praise him as martyr and yet criticise the deal reached after the famous Codesa. Nelson Mandela was the centre of all this. He received the political power on behalf of all of us without a guarantee of economic emancipation for the majority of the population. 

Any way, back to Juju, personally, I am glad he is in that Parliament to help us all have the courage to call "a thing, a thing". 

In my opinion his speech had more substance than that of Mmusi Maimane. Mmusi had the difficult task of validating himself before he delivered his party's message. A major turn off for me. Not even his good looks could help me listen to what he had to say. Maybe it's also because I don't think his party has the interest of the vulnerable at heart. Or maybe I am just not the target market for this party. I am also too sophisticated to align myself with the EFF or the ANC, but I appreciate the transition Parliament is experiencing. It might just be the answer to all our prayers. MPs will think twice before fucking up because EFF will expose them and it will not help them ahead of the 2016 local governement election. It is clear that our poverty and right to basic human rights is not enough to compel elected officials to do their job. So maybe having EFF in there will steer them into the right path, away from arrogance and selfish behaviour. Who knows?