The ironies, glass closets and the Aids in our blood

It is through attending the 2012 International Aids conference that I learnt that America, a country that boasts about being a mature democracy, has had a travel ban against people infected with HIV. I soon learnt that many other progressive countries like Russia, Singapore and others also impose this ban.

There's more, governments out there criminalise gay men infected with HIV. I am quite certain this is one of the reasons HIV prevalence will remain high among Men who have sex with men and the entire gay community. This for me is like an attempt to wipe out a whole generation of gay men. I will go as far to say it is genocide. Indirectly so.

Another interesting note I have made in this conference is how so many gay men from other countries meet on the sidelines of the plenary sessions and plan for their underground LGBT advocacy. Some have been living as gay men for as long 40 years, but they are not yet out to their families or communities. And I am talking about highly educated individuals, some very prominent figures in their countries. Religion, tradition and expectation from society keep these men locked in closets. This a big assault on the advocacy for human rights of gay men in their countries, men who have no voice, HIV positive and access to medication. These are people from economies that can afford ARVs to give to 5 African countries if they chose to. They have small populations and the fastest growing GDPs in the world.

It is very ironic that when world leaders like Hillary Clinton start talking of an Aids-free generation, the struggle to curb Aids among gay men intensifies. The very same people that were associated with Aids when it was discovered are still being battered to death by the epidemic. And it is not because we do not have medication because we all know there is treatment. It is because of the stigma, the criminalisation and fear. As Hillary Clinton put it, gay men infected with HIV are pushed into the shadows where Aids preys on them. Gay men remain to be family secrets, they are a sad reality to governments and burdened with HIV and Aids.

The 2012 Aids conference was an eye-opener to a lot of ironies. It made me appreciate the small victories that my country has achieved on gay rights, but warned me not to accept mediocrity.

My battle with Aids

I feel like journalism is like a jealous lover. It just won't let me be an activist. It wags its finger at me and reminds me of the commitment I made to be objective. Sitting in the Washington Convention Center, at the International Aids Conference opening ceremony - I battled to get the story. It is difficult to be a journalist when you are the story at times. I bear the bruises of HIV and Aids just like many delegates here at the conference. We all have something in common - we are either affected or infected. Sometimes both.

As I attempt to write an objective story - I drown in thoughts and reflections of where I come from. I think to myself, "If I erect a wall and write names of people who lost their lives to Aids, it would look like a monument for fallen heroes in a war as big as the Vietnam War."

But it is a war. The war that people at this conference are optimistic that it will be won. I jump up with joy and clap with other delegates when I hear stories of people who have not let HIV be in the driver's seat of their lives.

I am however pained that most men that I have come across in my life as an African Traditional Healer, as a friend -  refuse to go and test for HIV. Some of them use their pregnant girlfriends to gauge if they are infected with the virus. While there is scientific victory in the fight against HIV and Aids, we in South Africa still struggle to get people to test for HIV. People find out too late when they are infected. Mostly in their death beds.

So for me, I have a dilemma of choosing to write a story about those people who refuse to test for HIV and being an activist that will motivate those around me to test. I believe that would be a life-saving measure. Instead of recording deaths and getting new story angles on such a tragedy. Anybody who finds out that their  loved ones are in danger, is inclined to do something to preserve those lives.

There are still governments that are reluctant to give people the life-saving drugs. Should I get on the phone and interview them and ask why or should I just mobilise people to pressure them into giving citizens accessible health care? I am really caught in between.

If I remain a journalist, I will be an embedded journalist. The one embedded in the war against Aids.

Not in Nelson Mandela's name

You cannot claim to deliver a speech to honour Nelson Mandela, when you have have African National Congress member literally at each other's throats at the venue you are delivering this "honourary" speech. It cannot be in Mandela's name, the man who always told South Africa's youth to take advantage of education, that you gave a speech and not mention the rot in the education department. You could have not been honouring a man who spoke out against a divided country and inequality.  

It is blasphemous for anyone who claims to be walking in the footsteps of Rolihlahla Mandela to be ignorant to the education crisis in South Africa. The education department is breeding a new generation of rapists, bad mothers and criminals. It is exactly what you get if you do not educate a nation. We will have more and more people dependent on social grants. That is not the kind of legacy Mandela left. We have greedy politicians. The fish really rots from the head down. 

We cannot have responsible young people if we do not have older and matured people to look up to. We lack role models. The people who are really trying to make a difference in our communities are overshadowed by brutality and greed of people in high office. They have planted a seed of doubt in our minds. We do not trust anyone because we have been let down for so long. How can we empower ourselves when the government that has inherited the backlog of apartheid further deepens itself  in corruption, maladministration. It is so bad we forget to mention the good that people like Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma did for our country. It stops us from appreciating the good attempts by Aaron Motsoaledi's department of health. It blinds us so much we do not see a glimmer of hope. It just makes us want to turn on each other, kill each other, oppress one another and belittle each other. All because we are not heard. The great start of our democracy is in tatters. The legacy of Nelson Mandela is in jeopardy. Wherever you are Madiba, I wish a happy birthday. You are blessed with long life and people of South Africa who love you, who miss you and long for the unity you once gave us a taste of.