My 9-day Facebook detox

I spent almost ten days without Facebook. For me, that is a massive achievement. The withdrawal symptoms were devastating. It was so funny because there was nothing I could do. The app had been deleted from all my gadgets. It got better over a few days. I downloaded it on the ninth day. I scrolled down and read a few posts. It felt like I had just discovered a toxic waste dump site. Instant contamination. This is something I was part of for 10 years. I did not understand how I could feel that way in just a few days. The reason I downloaded it was to write about something that bothered me. I couldn't do it on Facebook anymore after going back. It didn't fit in with what everybody was talking about. It was not going to generate conversation or even get "Likes". That's how Facebook works. 

I have always been a writer, but shy about it. Never shared a lot of my writings until very late. And I never wrote to posture or to instantly react to anything before applying my mind. But Facebook got me onto a bandwagon of online activists that write not from the heart as I used to, but from a place that lacked depth and meaning. At least to me. On the day I got the app back on my phone, I could not share my thoughts on that platform the way I used to. I could have summed up my deep thoughts in a few lines and risk everyone misreading it, but on Facebook we tend to focus more on the response and not necessarily the content or level of maturity of the reaction. So I decided to retreat to blogging. Writing more thoughtfully even though sometimes I am anxious about what I am writing is any good. However, it's just joyful once I express myself without limits or fear that it might be too long for people to read. The writing is more about how I feel and giving any interested reader an experience. 

My almost ten days Facebook detox was great because there is some value in self-examination. Writing is a religion I neglected because that's where I found I engaged with relevant people. Sometimes it would be just one person and it would be enough. But Facebook got me into the habit of taking my thoughts to a place where I could not express myself honestly. Everyone suddenly becomes an expert on all kinds of issues. And I found that writing demanded a lot patience. Writing meaningfully does not come out of desire, but necessity. Ngugi wa Thiong'o once shared the secret to writing and said, "Write, write, write and write again and you will get it right". 

I have also learned not to take advice on how to be a good writer. I believe that will come with my personal experience and the books I have enjoyed over time. Thank you Facebook for the lesson of self discovery. 

Blessing in a storm

I used to tell people that I got inspiration to write from some of the worst times in my life. Beautiful words would come from the darkest places I was forced into. I believe things have changed with age. The things that used to break me, now go straight to my "Bull Shit" filter. Something I acquired in my thirties. Instead of getting angry, especially when unpleasant human beings try to destabilize me, I always remember that I am morally superior and would not be sucked into their world where they rule. 

My lesson comes from how I delayed my career by staying angry. Sometimes angry with the wrong people. I remember holding it together from the outside even when my insides wanted to explode. 

It was In a career path discussion with a former manager, I was asked how I'd like to advance my career. I spoke passionately about becoming a news anchor and one day hosting my own show. I painted a clear picture with words. It was my dream and I had imagined it. It was my story and I Knew how to tell it. The response I got paralyzed me. Every time I think about it, I hear the words in his voice. In response to my short presentation he said, "You know Matubs, I also love air planes, but I know I can't be a pilot". There were so many things I wanted to say in response to expose the fragile masculinity. His words went straight into the Bull Shit filter and I knew I had the moral upper hand. 

I must admit that I stopped fighting to make my dream a reality. I put roadblocks for myself with negative thoughts. But I was never confused of my capabilities, but here I was letting someone who probably forgot that he dismissed my plan. What's the filter for, if I am going give up? 

Fast-forward to 16 June 2017, I read my first live bulletin on the most watched news channel in the country. Even clinched an interview with Lebo Mashile and Majola (Khanyisa Buti) on their new album Moya. I was also privileged enough to interview Mike Siluma, who was part of the class of 1976. One of the youths that faced bullets while demanding justice from the apartheid government. The production team were also people who are more than colleagues. Award winning producer Mava Khuselo led the news desk while multi-talented journalist Mmalegabe Motsepe held it together with the technical crew. It was not planned. I then started  to dispute my conclusion that I was delayed. The gods made it happen at the right time. I am now executing my career plan in a newsroom that's led by a young Black woman who is also one of the great TV minds in this country. Who gets to be news editor and Television anchor at the same time? I hope to inspire many others to be resilient in their quest for a successful career.