Blessing in a storm

I used to tell people that I got inspiration to write from some of the worst times in my life. Beautiful words would come from the darkest places I was forced into. I believe things have changed with age. The things that used to break me, now go straight to my "Bull Shit" filter. Something I acquired in my thirties. Instead of getting angry, especially when unpleasant human beings try to destabilize me, I always remember that I am morally superior and would not be sucked into their world where they rule. 

My lesson comes from how I delayed my career by staying angry. Sometimes angry with the wrong people. I remember holding it together from the outside even when my insides wanted to explode. 

It was In a career path discussion with a former manager, I was asked how I'd like to advance my career. I spoke passionately about becoming a news anchor and one day hosting my own show. I painted a clear picture with words. It was my dream and I had imagined it. It was my story and I Knew how to tell it. The response I got paralyzed me. Every time I think about it, I hear the words in his voice. In response to my short presentation he said, "You know Matubs, I also love air planes, but I know I can't be a pilot". There were so many things I wanted to say in response to expose the fragile masculinity. His words went straight into the Bull Shit filter and I knew I had the moral upper hand. 

I must admit that I stopped fighting to make my dream a reality. I put roadblocks for myself with negative thoughts. But I was never confused of my capabilities, but here I was letting someone who probably forgot that he dismissed my plan. What's the filter for, if I am going give up? 

Fast-forward to 16 June 2017, I read my first live bulletin on the most watched news channel in the country. Even clinched an interview with Lebo Mashile and Majola (Khanyisa Buti) on their new album Moya. I was also privileged enough to interview Mike Siluma, who was part of the class of 1976. One of the youths that faced bullets while demanding justice from the apartheid government. The production team were also people who are more than colleagues. Award winning producer Mava Khuselo led the news desk while multi-talented journalist Mmalegabe Motsepe held it together with the technical crew. It was not planned. I then started  to dispute my conclusion that I was delayed. The gods made it happen at the right time. I am now executing my career plan in a newsroom that's led by a young Black woman who is also one of the great TV minds in this country. Who gets to be news editor and Television anchor at the same time? I hope to inspire many others to be resilient in their quest for a successful career.