I'm leaving

I've started packing for my departure. In fact I am almost done. So I come across some of Lesley's clothes. The ones I did not want to let go of. Then I smile with sadness. Then start doing a monologue and I laugh out loud because I know how he would have responded to my sarcasm. I quickly snap out of it because I'd started to enjoy pretending he's with me. Like a mad person I cry and smile at the same time.  I'm just so happy that I am in a good space to close this chapter. But I'm taking you with me. The pain will shed itself and leave the broken heart to enjoy its new life. There's no "letting go" here. You will always be part of the journey. The cause changed because of your departure. I'm even tempted to throw bones and ask you what you think of my new boyfriend. Hahaha. I love you and thank you. I'm still learning how to talk about you without crying. I promise it's not so much sadness. I don't have a name for it. It doesn't matter. I'm okay and I will be okay. My dilemma is one. If I marry this guy and then cross over, will you still be mine when I see you? Hahaha. Don't answer that. I love you.