Matters of the heart by Matuba Mahlatjie

I am probably one of many people who just never gave up on love. Even though I admit that I did love some wrong people. Wrong people because they did not return the love. This was way before gay relationships became an extra mural activity for a lot of men who labeled themselves straight in the earlier days. 

I have been confronted with cases of women, most of them great people, whom I thought were happy telling me that they are actually working hard to keep their relationships intact. It almost sounded like it was a second job they could not abscond from. To them, it was important for everyone to believe that everything is good. Giving the impression that they are happier and taken care of. I know all about loving the wrong people. Investing time, emotions and sometimes  money in a relationship that I sometimes knew deep down it would not materialise. That's a lesson I took from all the bad blood that was between myself and my ex-boyfriends. I stopped being dishonest about my feelings. I stopped giving everyone the wrong impression. While others will scavenge on the rough patch I was going through, some really reached out and helped me out of the pit I was in. It's about choices; you choose the stuff that's gonna make you and loose the ones that will break you. You make it easy for people to love you. More especially when you love yourself. 

So here is my advise to young women and men who enter relationships, those who marry or commit themselves to other people. And to those who lie.

There is no such thing as an "open marriage". Divorce is open. Marriage is pretending, denial. Someone would say this is a bit cynical thing to say. But once two people admit that it's not what they want, to wake up with the same person in perpetuity, the choice becomes either divorce or compromise. It's much easier to pretend. Isn't it? Get a big house, buy nice things, go on expensive trips. All the trappings of a happy life. The problem comes when you get caught. When Others know that you were never really happy. Your facade has been broken. It wasn't enough, you screwed around and now you got caught and everyone knows. Make smart choices. Matters of the heart require tact. Save yourself. Love yourself. Respect others and be honest to you especially.

And this is from a not always happily married man, but still very much in love with the man I chose to share my life with.