Birthday wishes from you to me

I already want to say thank you for what I know would be a special day. I have celebrated eight of my birthdays with you.You have always made sure they are days to remember. You were such a good person I cannot believe I am the one with a life longer than yours. This place needs more people like you. It still hurts very deeply. But in all this hurt and confusion, I still feel favour from the gods and God himself. It is through our friends and family.

They were a safety net I never thought I had. I was ready to fall hard and never stand up. But they fuel all the strength I have. I am able to wake up, stand up and live a bit. And I want to give them credit for most of it.






I will go through tomorrow with a lot of tears no doubt. It's almost impossible to celebrate life when such a big part of me is no more.

Every single day I mumble and chant "God forgive me for my sins". You death feels like God's wrath.  What else could this be? Did he know from the day I was born that I would be in this mess? Giving you to me for eight years, uproot you and expect me to cope? Yes, I am whining and going on about things I cannot change. But as Mama would say, "Molomo o diretswe go bala-bala". So ntlogele ke bala-bale ke kgotsofatse pelo ya ka. Hahaha. I miss you.

The point of this post however, is to thank you in advance for tomorrow. I can only imagine how magical it would be if you were here. We had all plans in place for the day, but fate had other ideas. I don't want to promise thatI will go out there and enjoy my day. I never imagined I'd be writing blog post and be vulnerable to the world because you died. So, tomorrow will be very difficult because I already feel it now. I will use what's left of my strength to actually celebrate you and pay homage to the man who loved me until his last breath. I am so fortunate because you knew how much I appreciate everything you did for me. There are so many things I can single out to thank you for, but the list would be too long. But I am very much grateful for collaborating with me in giving dignity to Black Gay Love. With all our flaws, we were accidental activists and if it wasn't for you, I don't where I would be. The few people we inspired as a coupled accomplished our mission. We know the miracle in reaching even to one person. We both know how that changes society.

You were my gravity and the voice for reason. I learned all those lesson so quickly as if I knew you were not here for long. Now I live by those rules and staying true to myself. Thank you for all of that. I celebrate you with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy and tears of sorrow. I will continue to celebrate you and thanks for the birthday wishes.

This is so sore! I love you.