Embracing my widowed heart

The worst has happened. I lost the love of my life. I'm already living my worst nightmare. But grief is not like a course you need to finish in order to qualify for some certificate of life. I brace myself for a life long journey with extra strength to carry this painful reality. Even when we learn to smile and laugh again, we carry this sense of loss. At some point one feels like there is a need to be integrated back into one's community of friends. Talk and laugh about everything without the burden of trying to be sensitive around me. I had to find myself all over again after losing my husband. Live with the fact that I am widowed. The 'till death do us part' came a bit soon for us. But I go back into life with no fear or fragility. The worst has already happened. I lost the man I love.  And now I have to go and start 'living' without him. There's absolutely no rush back into this life. But I know I can't stay in the dark hole forever. I want to say Les wouldn't want that, but I won't use that old tired line. If I had to wait for who knows what, I'd never be able to preserve his memory. Immortalise the man who showed me love in a way I will never experience with anyone. Every journey has its pit stops. Mine will be full of tears and aches in my heart. I will still long for you for many years to come. But I am embracing all this and I will do it for as long I live. Till we meet again. I love you.