Sunday 16 July 2017

First day of the rest of my life

The beautiful morning sun forced its way into our bedroom to console me. It's a consolation today because we enjoyed the warmth of the sun together, in each other's arms every morning. I'm still in deep shock that I will never wake up next to you. It's hard to accept that you will never walk through that door into my arms.
The reality is too painful to face and I have nowhere to escape because the memory of you is everywhere I go. Even in my hiding places.  Everywhere I go I'm reminded of your absence baby. All week when we made arrangements for the funeral, I thought it was the beginning of my healing. With the help of our good friends, I coordinated everything with so much strength. I just didn't expect to be overwhelmed by grief today. Our Happy place is now a very sad place. Yes, we made great memories. We loved each other to the end. But I have no idea how I will live without you. I want to continue loving you even though you are not here. We both never imagined life without one another.
I know this because even under difficult circumstances whether self-inflicted or not, we had each other and worked through all of them. We recognised each other's weaknesses but chose to embrace each other's strength and good character. I knew love because of you.
Lesley Sekoto. My beautiful husband. I am lost for words. Your friends and many other people who love you are still in disbelief. You brought so much light into our lives.
My last hours with you were filled with love and laughter. We made each other promises. But death came in between us. This is so painful. This whole thing makes me long for one more day to say I love you and kiss you. I miss you so much.
Come back.

18 comments:

  1. Very touching and beautiful, I feel your pain. But this I promise you it will get better and you will see he has never left you. In your greatest time of need his presence will be there to always comfort and and help heal you.

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    1. I do feel his presence. I am comforted that even though he won't be here physically, he will be here with me spiritually. Thank you!

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  2. I wish you strength overwhelming comfort��

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  3. Oooh my darling...this is the most difficult time now...I was telling my husband this morning that I can't stop thinking about you...because it's going to be very hard from this day ahead. Tears just well up in my eyes...it will take time tlhe, I know it will. Just hang in there, only Our Lord will give you the comfort that surpasses all...strength baby...love you

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    1. Thank you my darling. I am encouraged by your love and support. I t is very painful and sometimes unbearable. The moments come and go. I feel his presence around me. And I will take each day as it comes.

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  4. God's strength my friend. Les will always be looking out for you like he always did. You've gained an angel. Love you always my friend.

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  5. I love you Matuba. Remain strong love. Lesley will always be with you.He is back spiritually.

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  6. I don't know what other qualities did he bring into your life, but from where I could see your relationship, I know for sure that one of his life purposes was to make you experience true love. I have a strong belief that one's life will never end until they carry out their life purpose and I think he managed to do that.

    You experienced true love, and those around you, including me, saw what true love is just by seeing the positive effects his presence in your life brought. How blessed are you to be left with such beautiful memories? It is not everyone who has the privilege to reflect on good memories at the end of their relationship. Be it a relationship that ended through separation or death - but yours has left you with rich memories of knowing how it is to love and to be loved in return.

    The road ahead will not be an easy one but I hope you will find comfort in reminiscing about the love that you have shared with Lesley. There is a line from one of the seSotho hymns we used to sing in church when I was still devoted, and it says: "Le ha re ka arohana, 'pelo tsona di teane".

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  7. My dearest friend, my heart breaks for you. Words are so inadequate in times like these - but please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sending loads of love and light

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  8. From all I have read the past week,I know what you had waa so real...that is something that is precious to a level not all people ever get to experience. When my father passed, I went through all the emotions, but my cousin warned me that it will hit me again in a few months...more intensely...I don't know if it is true for everyone...but when this comes...remember again that your friends and family will also carry you through that,keep on talking about your love even if it hurts like hell...it will ease over time...that intensity with which you hurt, but he will never leave you.

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    1. In the short time I have been mourning, I learned to let the moment come to me and not go to it. It does make one seem like a crazy person. One moment you are laughing and joking about things he loved and the next moment you break down completely. I am just gearing myself up for tough days ahead. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  9. I am so sorry you're going through such loss.

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  10. Tubas, I feel your pain and anguish in your words. You and Les were trully a loving couple. You taught me that one needs to love even on days they don't feel it. Its going to be lonely, you will be sad for the longest time... but time will give uou renewed strength to carry on without Les physically being beside you, but rather through carrying him in your heart forever... askies Babe ❤❤❤

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