Sunday 23 July 2017

The afternoon with you

I always said to you that I'd die if anything happened to you. I really do feel like dying especially today. I have been looking back to the two weeks since you left. And I can say I have a formula for how I survive each day. I just get by, but most of the time is spent thinking how I am going to live without you. One moment I am all smiles telling your sisters about you and how you annoyed me. The next moment I'm alone in our bed unable to grasp that you are really gone and not coming back. I'd give anything now for those moments you annoyed me. Our fights for the TV remote. And all the dirty laundry II really don't want to publish here. I kiss all those things now. We fought and disagreed like people who love each other. That's why I can say I miss you and those moments. "When I said "I'm done with you" in anger you'd trivialize my anger and ask where I'd go. And threatened to follow me.
Today I am finding it so hard to believe that I spent the afternoon at your grave site. I know you're not here and only your remains are left here. But I carry you everywhere I go. I might be delusional because I miss you, but I felt your presenve last night. A comforting presence. I love you so much and I need you back baby.

2 comments:

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