My Shrine

Last night I actually saw you in my dreams. We were debating and arguing about you not coming back. You insisted on being where you are for my sake. I cried so much when you disappeared and didn't reply to any of my questions any more. I woke up in the middle of the night with a wet pillow. Your side of the bed occupied by Bruno. I can tell he misses you too. I just cried.


I don't have any unanswered questions about you and me. I knew exactly where we were when you left this world. It's your absence that brews anger in my heart. Your unexplained departure just frustrates every plan we had. I relied on you so much. I relied on your love and warmth every night.


Your presence is all around us, but not in the way we would like. I found myself going to the cemetery every day. It's still not sinking in that you're no more. Every time when I'm kneeling on your tomb crying, I feel like you'd just tap me on my shoulder and ask me what's wrong.


I never thought or imagined myself your grave would be a shrine I go to just to be closer to you. There were no loose ends to tie before you left. You kissed and told me you loved me. At some point you were on the other end of the phone calling me all sorts of sweet names and telling me how you were and what you got up to. You were so happy. That makes me long for you even more.


It had been a week since one whole day of a lover's quarrel. I kept your long email apologising even when I was the one who should say sorry. The one lesson I took from that message was when you asked that we shouldn't be angry with each other for too long. I didn't even read on and I just called you to say how much you mean to me. Little did I know the next week would be so perfect and also your last. Oh my baby. I go to a sad place just to be close to you. I don't know why I choose that place over the great memories. I miss you. I wish you you'd come back and take this pain away.