This time last week

Tattoo in memory of my late husband
Lesley "Lolo" Sekoto by Inksane Tattoos.

I was sitting with a congregation of family, friends and colleagues. They were there to give you your perfect send-off. Words of comfort and beautiful memories of you shared. I broke down every now and then. I giggled here and there. It was such a roller coaster baby.

The whole of last week, we were building up to the moment when your body was lowered to the ground. I wailed and screamed your name. The same way I did when I got the news that you were killed in an accident. Lesley. My love. You left a huge gap in our lives.

The one thing we both agreed upon was not to dwell on things we could not change. We moved easily from our difficult past. We worked on great memories every single day. Whether it was through text messages, pillow talk or phone call conversation. But your death is something I never imagined. My whole system is struggling to process it. I almost rush myself to live with it, because I recognise that we made a pact not to dwell on things we can't change.

I also do not want to be an emotional burden to our friends. Our families are broken and hurt. Your mother consoles herself by speaking to me on the phone. Every chance we get. Calls me "Boy-boy" like she did with you. I hold back tears during our chats.

Baby, you left so soon and so sudden. This time last week, our hearts were bleeding. Life presented a new chapter to us without you. We made our first step into the new normal. It was and still painful and scary. Our only consolation is that we saw and felt the love you had for us. Even in your last hours. You emphasised them like you knew you were about to leave us forever.

I found myself engraving the impact you had in my life on my body. You are certainly always in my heart and on my mind. When I die, my body will fade and be destroyed. But I have hope our spirit will become one again in the after life.
Sthandwa sam, ndi danile. Buya!