My only regret

The one thing I'm battling with while you're gone is how we constantly continued to love each other without talking much about issues that often threatened to derail us. We rushed to assuring each other of the love and commitment. I guess that's all we wanted to know. Yes, we accepted the weaknesses, the temptation and all the politics between two people who want to be together. I wish we spoke more about why we got into those potholes. But I suspect you were going to shut me up with a kiss and tell me to stop over thinking everything. You always said that to me when I questioned you or when I wanted to explore our issues. You forced me to focus my energy on making us great. But I wish I had the power to stop you and talk it all out. I'm not sure what change it would bring. I don't know if I'd feel better. It's just one thing I wish I was able to make you do.

I hold on to your last week on earth. You made everything extra special. You refused to entertain my drama. You made me smile as usual.

The day you died. I cry every time when I think about our 4am pillow talk and toast to "us" drinking left overs from a previous night. You wouldn't let me get out of bed. Made me breakfast in bed, washed the cars and kept checking up on me. I want to hold on to that instead of asking questions that will only make my grief even more difficult.
I love you so much. I'm sorry to burden you with my curious mind. You've left everything behind and you are at a better place. Thank you for coming through my dreams. Thank you for loving me beyond this life.