Growing pains

I'm part of that generation that has elderly parents who need extra care. I'm fortunate to still have both parents. Some of my friends have buried theirs. Others never really had both parents in their upbringing.
So this is perhaps how life has been good to me. Maybe unfair, but still god to me because I am not in charge fo what happens next.
Mama and Papa have always been the pillars in my life as a child. And they were also there for me when I chose my life partner. Lesley and I became one so quickly because our parents could not divide their love between us. In their own weird way they treated us like one. I reveal more beautiful stories in my upcoming book. But right now I want to express the pains of growing up. When I was younger I knew my parents were a safety net I'd fall on if life does not work out. For as long as they lived, I held on to the comfort zone they created for me. I watched them shield me from realities that could have easily broken me. But they always wanted me to know that they were not here for long and I needed to work on a Plan B. And I did. Lesley was actually a bonus. Because they had both of us. And we felt safe despite their old age. We felt so safe and that was one of the ingredients to our perfect love.
But now with Lesley gone and the pain so overwhelming, not even my mother who performed miracles can't make it better.
We grow up into situations that not even our parents can't save us. I also see how it's killing Mama.
She tells me every day that she feels bad she can't make me feel better. She tries. She fights. And she fails. Though it means so much to me to see her try to drag me out of this deep intense pain.  Many times she ends up inside that hole with me. All we do is hold on till the tide is not so strong. Les and I made a vow to care for them till the end. But it's all broken. We have anxiety about leaving each other broken. Lesley, I still can't believe it. Come back.