Reflections

Pic taken in May 2016 on holiday with our Jack Russels; Bruno and Rihanna. We were on a 5km hiking trail in Magalies. 

There's always something new to look back on. The nine years we spent together was our "forever". I documented most of it almost as if someone whispered to me that today I'd be here by myself. Baby, I miss you every day. Sometimes I wish there were telephone lines where you are. I loved checking up on you throughout the day. I have no one to share juicy gossip with. Our private jokes and nicknames we gave people are not as funny without you on the other side of the line. I miss your calls. Especially when you wanted to share a funny story. You'd annoy me and laugh for a good three minutes before you could share. I held onto the phone and anxiously wait for you to make me laugh. I miss the emails with subjects like "Babe what do you think?" or "Read this please love". All of these things showed me exactly where I belonged. I think I subconsciously walked with spunk and a smile because I had you. You made me feel Good about myself. You exorcised my insecurities. Just by loving me even on my worst days. My dark days never lasted.

"When you're sad, I'm also sad". "Don't think too much". "Come on, smile". After a while when you said any of these words, I knew exactly what you were doing. I always obliged.

And then there would be the tickling, literally And physically forcing me to let go of anger. There was a day I actually wanted to count how many times we kiss each day. We could not get our hands off each other. Up until your last day on earth. Kiss and hug. Kiss and hug. Sometimes just hold each other's hands so tight without saying a word. The cuddles. The love. The madness.

I start another day without you. I have so much gratitude in my heart. My sadness is slowly converting itself to something that will immortalise you in my mind, my heart and soul. I am thankful for the love you brought. It's left a light that will help me through each day. When I cry, don't think I'm sad. I think I'll still tear up ten years from today if I'm still this side. It's difficult to think about you without being emotional. I love you, you know? I love you.