Look what I found

I didn't know this would be the last picture of you taken by me.
Seven days before you died. 01-08-2018

It was early hours on Saturday the 1st of July 2017 when woke up worried about your body temperature. "I don't feel so good love. Ke tshwere ke dikodu". I gave you no choice and we ended up at the emergency room to get you some help. I got impatient waiting for more than half an hour not knowing your condition. I was anxious and I inquired what was going on. I was told to be patient and wait. I was eventually allowed into you cubicle, you laughed at me for being hysterical. I kissed you like someone relieved to see you alive not knowing seven days later I'd be trying to make sense of life without you.



Two drips later, we were chatting, laughing and of course taking pictures. I took several of just you and this is the only one I ended up keeping. You continued with your plans to go to Limpopo to see family because you felt better. I remember we swapped cars because you wanted to take your sisters with you. And I was on the other hand going to work that same day. We both complained about not spending enough time together especially on weekends. We made a pact that we'd fix that situation.

I remember the many phone calls chats we had that day. I spoke to everyone you were with and promised the next trip I'd be coming with you. You were happy and in good spirits. It was like the emergency room episode never happened. I looked forward to coming back to you and that was how it was every single day. We were reunited and joked about how our week was going to be alcohol-free because you were on antibiotics and I was on flu medication. We were meant to have champagne on the day you died to break the "fast". But you didn't make it back home. We swapped back cars the day you died. I keep thinking maybe if you were still using my car, you would have had a chance of survival. It just does not stop. The what ifs. It's part of this painful experience. I can't reverse the time and I will never kiss those beautiful lips or see that smile again. To be honest, I don't even know where I get the strength to carry all of this. I don't even know if it's strength or just a phase before I completely fall apart. Mogatsake, I love and miss you.