Monday 7 August 2017

Busy news day and I still missed you

I'd say today was officially my first day at work. It was a busy news day, but I could not stop looking at my phone. When you heard breaking news on your radio, wherever you were, you'd call in the middle of my busy day to ask if we have it. And you'd want to give your opinion while I need to get things on air. Now I am looking back and I see how I loved the way I stayed on the phone with you and still managed to get news on air. 
It was productive today. 

But I missed you in between all of that. You knew and acknowledged my passion for current affairs and never felt left out and supported me. I feel guilty now that I am almost back to my routine without you. You were part of all of this madness. I also know that being at work is to help me cope with your passing.
It's a distraction of some sort because I am about to go back home and you won't be there. But I am writing this note to tell you that I was productive today. I made jokes and laughed with colleagues. I had a really good cry right at the end of it. Thanks to Mpho Majoro. She saw through me. Gave me a big hug that sees the pain behind the smile. I felt safe and thought it was good to let it out then. But I am okay my love. I am coping. It's hard, but I do it for you, because I know you always protected it me from pain. I am dealing with the pain of losing you. We were so good together. And I believe Joanne when she says our separation was an injustice. and injustice I  will never recover from, but I will live a little bit more. Just for you. I love you. Don't stop visiting in my dreams. 
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4 comments:

  1. richard7 August 2017 at 18:20

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  2. richard7 August 2017 at 18:22

    Each time I read your posting I tear up in my eyes. I feel your pain that you so courageously attempt to hide. Your love for Lesley will always be eternal and with that love you will recover and rebound to a more spiritual self. I miss him also so very much, I have his photo as the wall paper on my phone to always remember his kindness to me.You take good care of yourself Matuba Mahlatjie and know that I'm always here with you in spirit.

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    1. Matuba Mahlatjie7 August 2017 at 21:01

      Thank you so much. You saw us through some of our toughest times. You also saw how happy we made each other. You were and remain a role model to us.

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  3. Unknown14 August 2017 at 20:59

    This... this is a positive journey of healing. I feel compelled to say something but I am left numb by the power of here displayed, and the courage provided by that love. Hold on to that love Matuba, it should see you through. 😢

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