The Lament

February 2017. We were about to go
from a party, in different cars. I have
So many pictures of you kissing me
when we take selfies. So many. And I
miss that. This is killing me inside

Yes, I know it's still early days. But I think I will take a while before I get used to making plans without you. As days go by, it becomes clesr that you are gone and not coming back. I was sonused to shopping for both of us. On Friday I was at the shops and I went past your favourite things. You are the only one who loved Milk Tart. I was sad that I couldn't buy it. You hated ice cream with nuts and I love it. We'd reach a compromise. But this time I didn't buy it.

Every event and almost everything I did, you were part of it. I couldn't call you to ask you what colour bedding I should get.
I have become a burden to myself. A prisoner of love perhaps? Lost love. Perhaps not in the spiritual sense. Because I love you and I know you love me too. But I'd rather have you here. I don't know what's going to happen to me baby. I am just not coping without you.

All I do is cry. Sometimes there's laughter with loved ones. But when everybody goes bck to their lives, I have to face that you are gone. You are my life. So what am I going to be without you? Survive? I can't.  I don't want to. I jusy want to be with you. I miss you Les. And I wish you'd just come back.