It's called life

If there was a pill I could take to take away the pain and maybe help me forget that I will never see you again, I don't think I would take it. Especially after yesterday. I was part of a team that produced one of the most memorable moments on South African TV. It's the kind of stuff that you always encouraged me to do. I felt and acknowledged your spirit throughout the production.
Though I was yearning for a phone call conversation to keep you posted or even your presence as you always supported me in that way - I remembered something.

I told my friend Benji Hanson that when I
took a look at this picture, I saw why Lesley
loved me. He'd always say it, but I chose
not to see it then. But now I do. Pic taken
ahead of an interview with Pretty Yende.
12-08-2017

"Our best artists are informed by their pain. Our heroes are born out of adversity". The yearning and pain of not being able to reach out to you in the way I have in the many years we have been together, really mad me sad. But for your sake and mine I remembered how you wanted me to be happy. And so I used that quote to help me continue living and doing what I know would just make you proud. You left me on this side of the world and I continue to feel everything including the sense of loss. I suppose we are indeed the sum of our experiences. All of them. Not just the good or the bad, but all of them. Yesterday was just good. What's missing is a picture of you and me embracing one another after a successful day. I love and miss you.

I am still shocked, grief-stricken and sometimes inconsolable when I think about your sudden death. But instead of wishing for a pill that would make all of this go away, I would rather be like the friend of Arthur Hallam, the great poet. Alfred Tennyson, also a poet, immortalised his friend in a verse and gave us one of the greatest poems in the English language. In Memoriam A. H. H.
So I am also choosing to keep you alive in my heart and carry you everywhere I go. I knew love because of you. I am so fortunate to have come across this poem. It's the kind of consolation I was not expecting.

I am grateful to our friend Angelo Fick, who got me books to read to pull me through this time. I found this poem once again after many years.

Angelo has also been a pillar of strength from the beginning of this tragic story. He was the one who broke the news of your death to me. Every day I pray for him because this couldn't have been easy. We had just spoken on the phone with him that same week. Few days later you are gone. The last thing you got from him was a sandwich he sent after my late lunch with him. I still remember how you enjoyed it and kissed me to say thanks to Angelo. It was the same week building up to a day that would change our lives forever.

Our memories. Our experiences. That's who we are. And you were a great part of mine. Engraved in my heart forever Les.